PETA Burgers

Old News Rehashed Department:

PETA Tries to Get Hamburg, NY, to Change Its Name

Note: This originally appeared in another one of my sites in 2003. Since PETA has been back in the news so much of late, it was worthwhile to take a look backward and compare their recent actions with some of their older efforts to "save the animals." You be the judge.

HAMBURG, NY - The national animal rights group PETA has offered Hamburg officials $15,000 to change the town's name to Veggieburg.

Hamburg, New York "The town's name conjures up visions of unhealthy patties of ground-up dead cows," said Joe Haptas, a spokesman of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), in a letter faxed sent Monday, April 21, 2003 to Hamburg Supervisor Patrick Hoak.

In the faxed document, PETA offered to supply area schools with $15,000 worth of animal-free veggie burgers in exchange for the name change.

"Our offer is serious as a heart attack," Haptas said. [Ed: Haptas later said that his offer was "tongue in cheek" and still continued on about Veggieburg.]

Hoak who was Hamburg Supervisor at the time, promptly declined the offer. Speaking about the hamburger, he said,  "With all due respect, I think it's a delicacy in our community. We're proud of our name and proud of our heritage."

The town, located in Upstate New York, has been named Hamburg since 1812, and it claims to be the birth place of the American culinary staple sandwich. In July, Hamburg commemorates the birth of hamburgers at its  annual Burgerfest

Evidently Joe Haptas wasn't going to give up, for he issued a press release on August 27th stating that PETA wanted the residents of Hamburg residents to know that they weren't yet off the hook. The press release stated that on August 28th, Danish-born Penthouse Pet Kira Eggers would be handing out free veggie burgers in their town, dressed in nothing but strategically placed lettuce leaves and waving a sign reading, "Welcome to Veggieburg! 

Another site had reported that this "Veggie burger" event was going to be repeated in "a number of major cities" as well. 

Should Fishkill have become Fishsave?

It should be noted that this isn't the first time that PETA has tried to get a town to change its name. In 1996 they asked the residents of the Hudson Valley town of Fishkill to change its centuries-old name to Fishsave, since the group believed the name conjured up violent imagery of dead fish. Fishkill was named by Dutch settlers in the 1600s. "Kill" is the Dutch word for "stream."

"Oh, my goodness. Fishsave Elementary School. Good Lord!" stated then-Mayor George Carter, adding "I think if they would look the word up, they would find out what it means... We are not going to change the name."

Some pundits living in the area suggested that if the town was to change its name, it should be to Fishgrill. And if you think this is all a big joke and that PETA wouldn't do this, check here for more info.

Here are some people, places and things that are worthy of receiving the $15,000 that PETA wants to give away, suggestions from readers who contributed their thoughts when this was originally published elsewhere in 2003:

  • The game, "Duck, Duck, Goose" should be renamed to something less offensive to PETA members, such as "Bean Sprout, Bean Sprout, Tofu."

  • Maybe the aging rock singer and actor Meatloaf should change his name to "Tofu Loaf" in hopes of appealing to a new generation of fans.

  • Tossing out the insult "You're such a turkey." It should be replaced with "You're such a lima bean!"

  • Buffalo, NY: Since so many restaurants are serving Buffalo wings made from chicken, maybe they need to become more politically aware and change the name of their city. How about "Bean-Curd-O" or something like that? 

  • The kid's card game "Go Fish" needs to be renamed to "Go Catch and Release" in order to reflect an appreciation of our finny neighbors of the aquatic realm. 

  • People with the last "Hunter" should consider changing his or her name to "Forager."

If you have any other ideas for changing some of the other animal-threatening phrases and helping PETA give away all that money that is provided by donations, get in touch with them in care of PETA's Web site at www.peta-online.org. Surely they would appreciate any suggestions.

PETA is supposed to be an abbreviation of "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals." Maybe they need to keep the initials but rename what they actually stand for. Here are some ideas which should help to describe the contemporary characteristics of this organization:

  • PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals (this is a real site)

  • PETA = Prevents Eating Tasty Animals

  • PETA = Publicly Embarrassing Tired Antics

  • PETA = Pinheads Eating Tofu Always

  • PETA = Please Eat The Animals

  • PETA = Provocateurs Envisioning Tasteless America

  • PETA = Petulant Ecological Terrorist Asinines

  • PETA = Pitiful Emptyheads Trashing America

  • PETA = Pinheads Endlessly Touting Absurdities

  • PETA = People Emancipating Thick-witted Apes

  • PETA = People Eager for Tons of Attention

  • PETA = Pernicious Egocentric Twits of America

  • PETA = People Engaged in Total Absurdity

  • PETA = Public Education's Thoughtless Alumni

  • PETA = Pinheads Espousing Total Asininity

  • PETA = People Exempt from Thoughtful Analysis.

Got any more to offer?

For years many have been saying that PETA has been going way too far in their efforts, and that their loony antics have become ridiculous.  Perhaps they are right. 

Originally posted on Tuesday, April 22, 2003 
From Associated Press and other sources

They said this:

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
~ Mark Twain


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