8/12/2007

The 50 Greatest Lies of the New Millennium

"I promise that I wont..."

"I swear to it, really... trust me!"

There have been many lists of lies that have been circulated around for years. People used to receive shorter versions on their fax machines, then with the advent of computers in the late 1900s, the lists began to grow. But now were in the , so perhaps it's time once again to update that list. Here is our humble offering of the 50 Greatest Lies of the New Millennium...

  1. The check's in the mail.
  2. Trust me.
  3. I didn't mean any harm.
  4. I'll only take a minute of your time.
  5. I'll call you right back.
  6. If you elect me, I promise...
  7. This isn't partisan politics; it's for the good of the country.
  8. A representative of the government says...
  9. These measures will ensure the safety of the American people while preserving essential liberties.
  10. I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
  11. I've never felt like this before.
  12. This time it's different.
  13. I'm planning to get a divorce so I can marry you.
  14. I'll never let you down.
  15. My wife (husband) is okay with me seeing other people; she (he) just doesn't want to know about it.
  16. I'm not leaving you for her (him); I just need some space to think things through.
  17. You don't need to use a condom; I'm on the pill.
  18. I don't need to use a condom; I've had a vasectomy and tested negative for STD's.
  19. Don't worry, I'll pull out in time.
  20. I promise, I won't come in your mouth.
  21. That was special.
  22. I'll call you.
  23. I promise I'll pay you back next Friday.
  24. I'll never get this drunk (stoned, wrecked, etc.) again.
  25. I'm not addicted; I can quit smoking (drinking, name the habit) any time I want.
  26. You look like you haven't aged a single day!
  27. No, I don't think that outfit makes you look fat.
  28. You're going to love working here.
  29. I have no clue what you're talking about!
  30. It's 100% compatible with all of your existing equipment.
  31. I've gone and checked this email out on Google, and it's really not a hoax.
  32. We found and fixed the very last bug!
  33. You can get rich on the Internet!
  34. No obligation!
  35. You may already be a winner!
  36. Lose all the weight you want!
  37. I'm being totally unbiased.
  38. This will only hurt a little.
  39. This will hurt me more than it does you.
  40. I'm doing this for your own good.
  41. It's only for a little while...
  42. It was an accident.
  43. Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.
  44. We are experiencing a peak level of call volume...
  45. Our cell phones will give you much more freedom...
  46. This product was made in an environmentally friendly manner.
  47. I know it's none of my business...
  48. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but...
  49. We'll have all the repairs finished by noon.
  50. It will only take four more hours...

Some of your favorites may have been overlooked. If that's so just leave a comment and share your thoughts here.

12 comments:

Heartsapocolypse said...

I've heard more than a few of these. Great list.

Francis de la Peyronie said...

a song comes to mind..........

David Alan Coe ~ Three Biggest Lies

Well the motorcycle club had a party
And all the young virgins were there.
And I found a blonde with little bitty titties and a pretty yellow ribbon in her hair.
And I told here the three bigest lies in the world, the ones my daddy first told me.
And that was the beginning of my sexual life and the end of my fantasy.

I said this'll only hurt for a little while,
I'll only put the head of it in,
I promise that I'll never try to come in your mouth…

Met her in a local honky tonk,
Told her it was love at first sight,
She was just a looking for a shoulder to cry on and a place where she could spend the night.
Me I was a little nervous, I'd never been that far before,
So I told her the three biggest lies in the world as we danced across the floor.

I said this'll only hurt for a little while,
I'll only put the head of it in,
I promise that I'll never try to come in your mouth…

Busted in a Birmingham robbery,
He didn't have no money for bail,
The judge bound him over to the local grand jury and the sheriff threw his young ass in jail.
They put him in a cell with a pervert, who latter tried to climb in his bed,
Stuck one of those homemade knives to his throat, and these are the words that he said, GOOD BUDDY

This'll only hurt for a little while,
I'll only put the head of it in,
I promise that I'll never try to come in your mouth…

DeLi said...

hola John,
its been a while but
as always, your site is
a place to find
humor and wit.
-Li

Miss K said...

great blog, i have blogrolled you!

Miss K said...

great list. i favorited you on technorati too. i love this list. i have heard alot of these. i especially like #20. ha!

BlogmasterPg said...

Very good... I am a crazy blogger from italy (you seen my buzznet ) My name in web is blogmasterpg and where you read this name it's me. I write a very appreciate blog in english language(!) about the music of my coutry. I earh music just from the utero of my mother; my father singing a trompet jazz, now i re-decouvert my love and open CANZONI ITALIANE - ITALIAN SONGS Blog on Blogspot. I'd like you go to see it and leave me a little impression. I'd thanks you very much. Bye from Perugia, Italy.

Chloé said...

Haha, this is truly genius...

Mr.Webb Penelope said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JargonTalk said...

To Mr. Webb Penelope:

Thank you for your asinine comment, but I don't care about your Dorkix anti-smoking pill. I don't want to enroll in your program to enable smokers to quit smoking. I don't want to enroll in your behavioral modification program called "GETDORKED Support Plan" at any additional cost, free or not. So take a hike off of a short pier, you dork!

Anonymous said...

xD
so GOOD!!!!

Anonymous said...

=o)
cool

Anonymous said...

Nobody in the Company got a pay rise.