The 50 Greatest Lies of the New Millennium

"I promise that I wont..."

There have been many lists of lies that have been circulated around for years. People used to receive shorter versions on their fax machines, then with the advent of computers in the late 1900s, the lists began to grow. But now were in the new millennium, so perhaps it's time once again to update that list. Here is our humble offering of the 50 Greatest Lies of the New Millennium...

1. The check's in the mail.
2. Trust me.
3. I didn't mean any harm.
4. I'll only take a minute of your time.
5. I'll call you right back.
6. If you elect me, I promise...
7. This isn't partisan politics; it's for the good of the country.
8. A representative of the government says...
9. These measures will ensure the safety of the American people while preserving essential liberties.
10. I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
11. I've never felt like this before.
12. This time it's different.
13. I'm planning to get a divorce so I can marry you.
14. I'll never let you down.
15. My wife (husband) is okay with me seeing other people; she (he) just doesn't want to know about it.
16. I'm not leaving you for her (him); I just need some space to think things through.
17. You don't need to use a condom; I'm on the pill.
18. I don't need to use a condom; I've had a vasectomy and tested negative for STD's.
19. Don't worry, I'll pull out in time.
20. I promise, I won't come in your mouth.
21. That was special.
22. I'll call you.
23. I promise I'll pay you back next Friday.
24. I'll never get this drunk (stoned, wrecked, etc.) again.
25. I'm not addicted; I can quit smoking (drinking, name the habit) any time I want.
26. You look like you haven't aged a single day!
27. No, I don't think that outfit makes you look fat.
28. You're going to love working here.
29. I have no clue what you're talking about!
30. It's 100% compatible with all of your existing equipment.
31. I've gone and checked this email out on Google, and it's really not a hoax.
32. We found and fixed the very last bug!
33. You can get rich on the Internet!
34. No obligation!
35. You may already be a winner!
36. Lose all the weight you want!
37. I'm being totally unbiased.
38. This will only hurt a little.
39. This will hurt me more than it does you.
40. I'm doing this for your own good.
41. It's only for a little while...
42. It was an accident.
43. Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.
44. We are experiencing a peak level of call volume...
45. Our cell phones will give you much more freedom...
46. This product was made in an environmentally friendly manner.
47. I know it's none of my business...
48. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but...
49. We'll have all the repairs finished by noon.
50. It will only take four more hours...

Some of your favorites may have been overlooked. If that's so just leave a comment and share your thoughts here.

Technorati Tags: lies, government, politics, sex, New Millennium, Lexidiem, JargonTalk, Google, cell phone, four hours, trust me

Sex on Lake Balaton? Just rock my boat!

Sexy Summer on Lake Balaton?

The tourism authority in Balaton, Hungary is trying a new approach to attracting young visitors. Maybe they're trying to follow the well-known saying that "Virginia is for Lovers," a slogan that has endured for over thirty years. If that's the direction they're taking, than maybe their campaign on behalf of Lake Balaton should be called "Balaton is for Sex." We could also call it "Trolling for Tourism."

They have released a brief cartoon video [NSFW] depicting a young blonde woman having sex with an apparently married male tourist in a rowboat on the lake. The film, set to a popular local '80s song, shows the woman taking off her bra to the obvious pleasure of the man. They do what comes naturally (with two little cartoon bees accompanying them throughout their tryst) and as they lay in the boat afterwards in post-coital ecstasy, the tourist is shown hiding his wedding ring as the blonde gazes loving at him. If you can read Hungarian (I can't), then maybe Tékozló Homár can explain it better.

Since there wasn't much to explain the video, I did a little digging and found that the music is a remix of KFT's "Balatoni nyár" ("Balaton Summer"), originally released on the band's 1986 album Siker, pénz, nők, csillogás ("Success, money, women, glitter"). The video seems to closely follow the story laid out in the song, and this is supposed to be the loose English translation:

We were sitting on the pier watching the light dance on the water;
We enjoyed how good that conventional (or cheesy) situation was;
I remember how I waited for that blue-eyed girl at the ferry;
And of course she didn't come;
because that's what blue-eyed girls are like;

I was sitting in a boat with a girl and all moral chains fell from us;
Nobody could see us, because the reeds are thick;
I was in love and the truth would've hurt that girl;
I looked into her eye and said I wasn't married

Not meaning to sound picky, but the video showed the tourist wearing his wedding ring on his right hand. So do Hungarians wear their wedding bands on their right hands?

The region around Lake Balaton was a popular tourist spot for Hungarians, Germans and east Europeans at one time, but its popularity has dropped a bit in the past few years, and this season's start is "sluggish" according to The Budapest Times. Some visitors think that Lake Balaton is a great place to spend some time, but others don't. The tourism authorities said in a statement, "The marketing campaign is aimed at selling Balaton as a travel destination primarily for the young generation."

That statement seems strange when the video rejoices in the fact that the male half of the twosome is married to someone else. The cartoon ends with him droving home with photos of his vacation flashing in his memory... as that bee accompanies him on the trip.

The "The Official Touristic Homepage" offers plenty of "Linkajánló" (links) to activities for the "young generation" that they seem to be marketing towards. There is an annual Miss Balaton beauty contest, with a number of beautiful entrants. Who know, maybe there will be a Miss Universe contender there. There are discos, such as Flört and Dexion. There is the Coca-Cola Beach House, the Aquapark and a bobsled ride on rails called Balaton Bob. There are young ladies cavorting on the beaches in bikinis. There are churches, restaurants and places to stay, but when one searches for sex in a boat in Balaton, there are no references. If one googles this, one ends up with... stories or links to the aforementioned cartoon video. Even Hungary's great portal site, caboodle.hu, offers no results.

So if you had your heart set on having sex (or fscking) in a rowboat in Lake Balaton this summer, you'll have to start from scratch, just like the guy in the cartoon. Then again, you could always complain to the Hungarian state tourism bureau, Magyar Turizmus Rt, and see if they can help you out.

Here's a link to the full-screen version of the NSFW video.

Another view, probably pretty realistic, of Lake Balaton:

Tourist authorities would love for you to visit this summer, though this video doesn't make the place appear very inviting if you love the water. But never mind, just stay out of rowboats if you visit and are planning on enjoying sex there.

Additional Hungarian photos (some NSFW) from the tabloid Színes Bulvár Lap. Cultural background, useful if one is planning a visit

And so, our lexidiem is trolling.

Tags: adultery, balaton, balaton is for sex, balaton sex, balatoni szex, fscking, humor, hungary, lake balaton, miss balaton, nc-17, nsfw, sex, sex in a boat, szex, tourism, trolling, virginia is for lovers, wedding band

Updated: 7/27/2006